 "It's in relationship we heal...when we have the courage to...cause it takes lots of courage to create peace. It's worth it." -Stephanie :)
Previously I have written about transformation and Shamanism. Today I want to revisit relationship success...and in some cases "pain". Relationships are one of my favorite topics. They have posed the greatest challenges for me, and have also been the most gratifying part of my life. Hmmm...a paradox? Yes! I love a good puzzle :) Note: Above picture was taken last month on my birthday with sis, mom, and husband. These are examples of relationships I have advocated for, been insanely challenged by, healed, and totally appreciate today. Because of this, I want to help you heal your relationships!!! It's so darn worth it. When I say heal, we always have 3 options: accept, change, leave. That's it. Think about it: 1. At some point or another, everything we do involves others...relationships of some type, at some depth, for some period of time. You may erroneously fantasize you can do it all alone, forever. I respectfully disagree. 2. Our ability to have good (peaceful, positive, prosperous, playful, present) relationships is a foundation for our well-being. I talk about this in more detail in my book Reclaiming Joy. 3. Relationships show us where we are on our spiritual path and can become our life long spiritual practice, aka our greatest teacher. Perhaps at some points in your life, relationships caused so much pain, you felt you "didn't" want to engage. Understandable, yet not sustainable. Maybe you experienced feeling like relationships were more trouble than they were worth. Makes sense. As humans we don't like "pain". And yet, pain, suffering, and trauma is how most of us learn. By learn I mean, "wake up". Why do we continue to do this to our self? Why are we so resistant to waking up? The cool thing is, we can choose to awaken. We can choose to stop having to experience so much pain!!! By awaken I mean we choose to become more conscious, aka, deal with our stuff!!! As you may have experienced, if we don't deal with our stuff...life has a funny way of dealing with it for us. And when life deals with it for us, it is often more painful than necessary. Something big has to happen to get our attention and then we act like something happened to us...when in reality, we simply have chosen to stay asleep at the wheel of our life. Perhaps this sounds harsh. Well, I am here to provoke your truth, and living your best self. That said, this isn't about right and wrong...good or bad.... It's not about judging ourselves and others and playing in that triangle of dis-empowerment I have spoken about --- victim, rescuer, perpetrator. Part of awakening means we understand, through personal experience (knowing) a natural human tendency to want to avoid pain at all costs, thinking it will go away. The flaw in this line of thought is...whatever we avoid, will ultimately surface. You know the line, "whatever we resist, persists". What to do? In addition to getting serious about a daily meditation practice to focus the mind and center the emotional body--- start paying attention to your self talk and therefore your beliefs about relationships. It's only through awareness that we can transform. Ask yourself questions: Are relationships painful? Are relationships joyful? Some? All? Depends on person, situation, what you want? Am I attached, expecting, judging? Working with people on healing relationships both on the meditation cushion and in shamanic energy sessions is one of my all time passions. Why? At some point, hopefully not on our deathbed, we realize that we all need people, it's no so serious, and it doesn't need to be so darn painful...if we are willing to commit to awakening. I see you. You matter. Namaste, Stephanie  When we are faced with circumstances outside of our control, it may feel like an impossibility to let go.
The paradox? Letting go is exactly what we must "do". I was remined of this recently while moving to my "dream" house. Of course, along with the "dream come true", also comes the rainstorm which reveals leaks, a dryer that decided to break, backordered everything!, and all the other logistics. It's truly small stuff in comparison to life's bigger challenges. One of the ways I "trick" my mind into letting go is by asking myself the below 3 questions. Since inner peace is a way of being many of us want to experience, this exercise works quite well. 1. Do I wish to experience inner peace or conflict? Inner peace, of course! Note: Some of us still like being in conflict...it provides a distraction of sorts and gives us an excuse not to take responsibility for what is and/ or our present life situation. Some of us are in conflict and don't even know it. All have been true for me. It's part of the human condition at times. It's up to us to be aware and then make the choice again and again to accept what is. Once we do accept, all the energy we were using to "resist" is freed up and we are able think clearly and choose a better way... 2. What am I willing to do in order to experience inner peace? Be open to trying things that support a peaceful way of living. There are many things/ tools we can do/ use: books, meditation, a mentor, energy work, prayer, workshops, podcasts... I do all of this and then some :) The point is, I am willing to do what it takes to live a peaceful life. Over time, we may need more or less of these things/ tools based on what we are facing in life. More stressful times = more support. Make sense? 3. Who must I become to experience inner peace? Become a student of inner peace. Know thyself. Use the tools above. Today, right now, begin to practice: acceptance, non-judgment, non-attachment, presence, compassion... and the big one - forgiveness. EXTRA CREDIT: Enjoy the process... yes, all of it. I am always surprised at how quickly my inner state (and therefore my mind) can shift when I am willing to enjoy life. I become re-energized, enthusiastic, and see opportunity everywhere! WE GOT THIS! If you want support, email me. Namaste, Stephanie  How do we handle change with courage and grace?
As the summer winds down, many of us experience "transitions" as we head back to school, back to work, back to life in perhaps a "new" way. Maybe our loved ones are entering or exiting high school, college, the world of work (or are trying to). Maybe we are feeling what they are feeling in addition to what we are feeling!!! Yup, it's "a lot". As I've written about in the past few weeks, especially as it relates to "anxious energy", at times it is hard to discern what we are feeling and where / who it is coming from! In addition, times of transition and change often bring about this "anxious" energy. While it's not always pleasant, the discomfort that comes with newness and the unknown is normal! And yes, it's healthy. Rest assured, you are not alone. It is simply part of being human :) During times of transition and heightened energy sometimes it feels as if we lose our way. We may be riding the roller coaster of feelings: depressed, overwhelmed, tired, confused, afraid...anything but relaxed! What can we do? Embrace ways of being that return us to a state of emotional balance...also known as equanimity. As I talk about in Chapter Two of my book Reclaiming JOY, the emotional roller coaster is not sustainable and keeps us stuck. We react and often cause more turmoil. This simple practice, called BRFWA, (that we love and use often at the Sanctuary) brings us back to a relaxed state where our emotions are in balance. From this place of emotional balance or equanimity, we are able to ride the emotional wave without drowning in it / losing ourselves for too long. In equanimity we find our way back to peace and clarity and perhaps even a chuckle. Once clear, we are able to take clear, focused action that keeps us on the path of peace as we move toward our goals. BRFWA Explained (Give yourself at least 3-5 minutes to experience this). Breathe: As a wave of emotion comes over you, slow down your breath. Allow your breath to flow freely in and out. Relax: As you slow down your breath, your mind and body will begin to relax. Soften your muscles, let go of mental and physical tension. Feel: As you relax, you are able to soften into what you are feeling. Stay open to the sensations and emotions moving through you in this moment. Watch: While feeling, you watch your experience closely, neither grasping what is pleasant nor pushing away what is painful. Allow: As you watch, you allow the process to unfold. You accept yourself and your experience exactly as it is, dropping the need to change it in any way. BRWFA is the practice of being present. Being present is what we learn during meditation. Looking for more support? Consider cultivating an on-going meditation practice.  We know that meditation helps us deal with life. From managing stress, anxiety, and PTSD to cultivating a deeper sense of inner peace and well-being, meditation can help. Meditation also helps with focus, emotional balance, and sleep.
If that's the case, why do so many people start and stop or not start at all? At Bronxville Wellness Sanctuary we believe meditation is a powerful tool in personal transformation. Often when someone comes to us to learn meditation or deepen their practice they express "fear of doing it wrong". Somehow there's an idea meditation has to be perfect, i.e.: no thoughts, distractions, emotions...even no animal friends joining us. The truth is, there is no wrong way to meditate...unless you don't do it!! Some days meditation is blissful and beautiful. Other days it isn't and out mind is racing. We do it anyway. It's the consistency of practice that yields "results". Peter and Stephanie offer private meditation sessions. Whether you are looking to create a nourishing practice that is customized for you or wanting to deepen and existing practice, we are here for you. No experience necessary. >>>Email Peter to Book. >>>Email Stephanie to Book.  Last month I spoke about dealing with anxiety.
Today I want to speak about a topic that not everyone grows up learning about: our energy body. Why? We are responsible for the energy we show up with. Clearing our energy is like taking a shower. Much better for ourselves and others when we show up "clean". As someone who experiences life as a intuitive em-path who is also highly sensitive and also a triple leo - learning how to manage my energy body has been a critical step in self mastery and my success. In other words, when I learned how to manage my emotions (energy body), I learned how to take charge of my life and manifest my dreams. Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned is how to: STOP taking responsibility for other peoples energy/feelings/emotions START taking responsibility for my own. It's an empowering and freeing way to live. What is our energy body? The easiest way to explain the energy body is to give you an example. Have you ever walked into a room / met someone and "feel" something either wonderful or strange? That's your energy body talking to you. It's a felt "sense". Why is our energy body important? We are made of energy. As such, we are constantly receiving and sending energetic messages throughout our day. The messages we send out and receive are a result of many factors such as: our thoughts, our emotions, our physical health. On a particular day if we are feeling tired and stressed, we may be sending out this energy to others. If we are not mindful and doing our inner work not only will we send this energy out, at these times we are even more prone to absorb the energy of others. Yes, a perfect storm and that's why I am writing this!!! To support you. Selfishly it helps me too because I feel it :) Since many of us are unaware of our energy body, we don't know what to do to keep it functioning well. How does the energy body relate to anxiety? Since we are made of energy, often when we feel something, like "anxiety", our mind becomes engaged in the "story". Meaning, the mind searches for why we feel anxious. We usually want a way out of the "bad" feeling so the mind tries to come up with a solution. The mind loves finding solutions! Unfortunately, in the search for a solution we become addicted to these thoughts, of why and of story, and it has the opposite effect on us. Instead of clearing the anxiety (or quite frankly whatever energy it is - we love to label everything and sometimes it's simply the energy of excitement), we end up giving the energy more attention. Remember, whatever we give attention to grows! To make matters even more interesting, did you know that sometimes, it's not even "our" anxiety we are experiencing? Especially those of use who are sensitive (empaths), often we absorb other peoples energy, thinking it is our own. When this happens, and we think it is "our" energy, we end up creating such suffering for ourselves because we get lost in the addicted thoughts. What to do? Learn ways to manage your energy body on a consistent basis. Read about it. Take a class. Seek out people you trust who know about the energy body. Remember, even someone who practices "energy healing" can be adding to your anxiety if they aren't diligent about clearing their own energy. Be open to energy healing modalities we offer here such as chakra balancing, shamanic energy healing, and of course, meditation! Blessings and love, Stephanie |
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