Presence Practice by Stephanie

In times we feel emotionally unbalanced, stressed, lacking focus, energy etc.....having a presence practice helps return us to balance.

As I talk about in Chapter Two of my book Reclaiming JOY, the emotional roller coaster is not sustainable and keeps us stuck. We react and often cause more turmoil.

This simple presence practice, called BRFWA, (we love and use often at the Sanctuary) brings us back to a relaxed state where our emotions are in balance.

From this place of emotional balance or equanimity, we are able to ride the emotional wave without drowning in it / losing ourselves for too long. In equanimity we find our way back to peace and clarity and perhaps even a chuckle. Once clear, we are able to take clear, focused action that keeps us on the path of peace as we move toward our goals. Let's go!

BRFWA Explained (Give yourself at least 5 minutes to experience this).

Breathe: As a wave of emotion comes over you, slow down your breath. 
Allow your breath to flow freely in and out. 

Relax: As you slow down your breath, your mind and body will begin to relax. 
Soften your muscles, let go of mental and physical tension.

Feel: As you relax, you are able to soften into what you are feeling.
Stay open to the sensations and emotions moving through you in this moment.

Watch: While feeling, you watch your experience closely, neither grasping what is pleasant nor pushing away what is painful.

Allow: As you watch, you allow the process to unfold. 
You accept yourself and your experience exactly as it is, dropping the need to change it in any way.  

BRWFA is the practice of being present. 

Being present is what we learn during meditation. ​

Namaste,
Stephanie

"The stream of thinking has enormous momentum that can easily drag you along with it. Every thought pretends that it matters so much. It wants to draw your attention completely." -Eckhart Tolle

Last week I spoke about how often we get caught in the false belief that shift happens outside of us. 

What you are noticing?

This week my writing is intended to help you navigate the shift by practicing presence.

What is presence and why is it important?

Presence is simply being here now. Presence is giving your attention to whatever task you are engaged in at the moment. Meaning, if you are in conversation, you are focusing your attention on that. You are not talking and simultaneously thinking about past/future/your response. 

Presence is important because it keeps our energy unified and opens the doorway to inner stillness and ultimately empowered action. Think about it. Aren't you better able to respond when you are paying attention? If someone is speaking to you and your mind is wandering, will you give your best answer? Probably not.

How do you practice presence?

Like anything else you want to improve on, you must practice :)

Anything that helps you be here now, with your attention focused on what you are "doing" is a practice.

Meditation is one of my favorites because it teaches how to discipline the mind. When you are able to discipline your mind, you can shift your attention away from constant thought, especially those that cause more suffering. In meditation you bring awareness back to your breath or another "mantra". Over time, you experience gap between thoughts or periods of no thinking. In this space, you access stillness/hear your inner voice.

Insights and choices arise that were once blocked when caught in endless thought.

So, practice being quiet, being still, and allow more space to emerge in your life.

Examples:
Meditate, walk in the woods in silence, sit and listen to the birds, give yourself time in between tasks on your to-do list and if your to-do list is never ending, reduce it.

Get creative.

Disconnect from the phone/TV while you eat. Taste your food. Allow space to emerge.

You don't have to go on a silent retreat for 10 days to learn how to be present. You can do it in your daily life with anything your are doing. In fact, it's quite fun being around people and practicing staying present instead of getting lost in thought/emotion of situation. See if you can simply be the witness...
Have fun! 

Namaste,
​Stephanie​

Why So Much Fear by Stephanie

I've always been fascinated with fear. Curious about why we have so much fear, seemingly everywhere. Rather than focus on why so much fear, I rather focus on what to do about it. For many of us fear keeps us stuck in a life pattern that makes us unhappy, stressed, confused, tired, etc.

What I have come to understand is that for many of us, fear is the default when we lack clarity about our life.  Meaning, when we lack clarify about who we are, what we want, what matters to us, etc, we will often to stay stuck...in fear. 

Why even discuss this?

A few reasons. 
Like many of you, fear has impacted all areas of my life at one time for another and to differing degrees.

Owning a business whose mission is to provide sanctuary for body, mind and spirit is no small task in a world that consumes fear in all its forms and then projects it onto everyone and everything. What I have learned in our business is that when we are able to provide sanctuary for people...something radically starts to shift.

We begin to see people (ourselves too) awaken to who they really are, which is love, unconditional. It's beautiful. And excruciatingly painful too. Childbirth? Running an ultra marathon? When love is felt  fears are faced. Paradox. Yes. 

Dealing with fear causes us to experience a whole range of emotions. That's healthy. However, when intense emotions arise, many of us lose our way. We lose our way because we aren't clear on who we are, which is love and why we are here, which is to love.

Fear is at the root of all emotion that isn't love...jealousy, attachment, judgment. When we live in fear, we will suffer.

So, we need to deal with fear, in all its forms, if we wish to raise our children in a loving world.

In my experience, when you get right down to it, we are either operating from fear or from love. 

And in order for the Sanctuary to "run" from love, instead of fear it's important, we are clear on our "offerings".

As in business, as in life.
Our personal mission guides our choices, our life. When we lack clarity about anything, the usual default is fear.

Fear of what? You name it. Fear of loss, rejection, the unknown, being who we are, missing out...the list is endless.

Fear as default applies to any area of life (relationship, career, money, spiritual practice, healthy, etc)

What to do?
Below are a few questions that help anchor me in the present so I continue to make choices that align with who I am, which is love.

1. Do I wish to experience inner peace or conflict?
Inner peace, of course!
Note: Some of us still like being in conflict...it provides a distraction of sorts and gives us an excuse not to take responsibility for our life. Ouch, yes. I get it.  Some of us are in conflict and don't even know it. All have been true for me. It's part of the human condition at times. It's up to us to be aware and then make the choice again and again as life carries on...

2. What must I be willing to do in order to experience inner peace?
Be open to trying things that support this way of living. There are many things/ tools we can do/ use: books, meditation, a mentor, energy work, prayer, workshops, podcasts... I do all of this and then some :) The point is, I am willing to do what it takes to live a peaceful life. Over time, we may need more or less of these things/ tools based on what we are facing in life. More stressful times = more support. Make sense?

3. Who must I become to experience inner peace?
Become a student of inner peace. Know thyself. Use the tools above.
Today, right now, begin to practice: acceptance, non-judgment, non-attachment, presence, compassion... and the big one - forgiveness. These are only a few and often the ones that are most profound.

Many words, many suggestions. It's really quite simple.

If you focus on choosing inner peace and practicing forgiveness, the rest will follow in time.

How so?
True inner peace is unconditional love, joy...presence. When we experience true inner peace, we have clarity to make choices that align with who we are...meaning we make loving choices cause we remember we are love!

Practicing forgiveness frees us from the past (hurts) and future (worry). Forgiveness roots us in the present. Life only happens in the present. You are life. You are love! 

The last point I want to share really makes the above "stick" for me by getting me into action, everyday, in small and when needed, larger ways:

"My desire for success in any area of life, must be greater than my fear."

Meaning, my desire to live from love in all areas of my life (this is how I define success) gives me the courage to face the fear and do what is required to continue.

Namaste,
​Stephanie

Knowledge and Knowing by Stephanie

The difference between mental concepts/thoughts (knowledge) and experience (knowing)...

Earlier this month I had the incredible experience of embarking on a 6 month advanced training with Eckhart Tolle in California. Eckhart is author of the #1 New York Times bestseller The Power of Now (translated into 33 languages) and the highly acclaimed follow-up A New Earth, which are widely regarded as two of the most influential spiritual books of our time.

While I have devoured many of his books and teachings over the years...filling my mind with mental concepts / thoughts to understand what is required to live a life of presence and purpose... this was the first time I was in his physical presence. WOW.

Words are not sufficient to describe the experience.

Life changing. Special. Humbling. Vast. Joyful. Peaceful. To name a few.

Yes, Eckhart re-iterated mental concepts and I gained "knowledge"
We experienced lovely meditation, discussion, reflection, and group work. 

However, what impacted me the most, was the experience of simply being in his presence. No amount of knowledge, information, or mental concepts would come close to being in the experience.
In essence, what I experienced with Eckhart and my classmates was a "knowing". I actually felt his teachings, came to "know" them in my being, rather than in my head. The concepts/knowledge morphed into experience/knowing.

This leads me to what I want to share as it relates to you and those of you who are interested in our weekly meditation classes or any other endeavor that helps you awaken to life.

Over the years while teaching meditation there's tendency for people to want to have lots of knowledge and information about what meditation is, how we do it, are we doing it right, etc, etc. Lots of thoughts!

Our brain thirsts for endless knowledge and information in order to commit/believe. Our conditioned mind is so trapped in the doing of life, unless we know meditation is "doing something", we don't even give it a chance. We quit before we even show up for class. 

The paradox is-- in meditation, we aren't "doing" anything. To take it a step further, we are actually un-learning and emptying the mind of information and knowledge. And so.... 

Similar to my experience with Eckhart, I can explain to someone conceptually (i.e. imparting knowledge) what meditation is, the benefits, etc. Basically giving enough information to help the conceptual mind "understand" and perhaps be convinced that it's worthwhile...because the mind values "information" and knowledge over "experience" or knowing. And this is what we must unlearn if we are to awaken.

However, anything I tell you conceptually is very surface level, appealing to the surface "I".
So while knowledge is valuable-- because yes-- the mind wants it and won't quiet down until it gets it...

The only true way to "know" something, is to experience it.

When we know something, we connect with the deeper "I" and have a connection beyond concepts.
Words become insufficient.  Are you following me?

If you are thinking about trying something, stop. The mind is addicted to thoughts. Instead, try something. Feel it. Experience it. Get to know it.

Unless you experience meditation, it will be a concept. Unless you taste honey, it will be a concept. Unless you walk the beach in CA, it will be a concept. As in meditation, as in life. 

​We must unlearn that knowledge is more valuable than knowing.
When we are cut off from knowing, we are cut off from ourselves...and life itself.
Friends, this is what we must unlearn if we are to awaken and feel peace and joy in life.