"It's in relationship we heal...when we have the courage to...cause it takes lots of courage to create peace. It's worth it." -Stephanie :)
Previously I have written about transformation and Shamanism.
Today I want to revisit relationship success...and in some cases "pain".
Relationships are one of my favorite topics. They have posed the greatest challenges for me, and have also been the most gratifying part of my life. Hmmm...a paradox? Yes! I love a good puzzle :)
Note: Above picture was taken last month on my birthday with sis, mom, and husband. These are examples of relationships I have advocated for, been insanely challenged by, healed, and totally appreciate today.
Because of this, I want to help you heal your relationships!!! It's so darn worth it.
When I say heal, we always have 3 options: accept, change, leave.
Think about it:
1. At some point or another, everything we do involves others...relationships of some type, at some depth, for some period of time. You may erroneously fantasize you can do it all alone, forever. I respectfully disagree.
2. Our ability to have good (peaceful, positive, prosperous, playful, present) relationships is a foundation for our well-being. I talk about this in more detail in my book Reclaiming Joy.
3. Relationships show us where we are on our spiritual path and can become our life long spiritual practice, aka our greatest teacher.
Perhaps at some points in your life, relationships caused so much pain, you felt you "didn't" want to engage. Understandable, yet not sustainable.
Maybe you experienced feeling like relationships were more trouble than they were worth. Makes sense.
As humans we don't like "pain".
And yet, pain, suffering, and trauma is how most of us learn.
By learn I mean, "wake up".
Why do we continue to do this to our self?
Why are we so resistant to waking up?
The cool thing is, we can choose to awaken.
We can choose to stop having to experience so much pain!!!
By awaken I mean we choose to become more conscious, aka, deal with our stuff!!!
As you may have experienced, if we don't deal with our stuff...life has a funny way of dealing with it for us.
And when life deals with it for us, it is often more painful than necessary. Something big has to happen to get our attention and then we act like something happened to us...when in reality, we simply have chosen to stay asleep at the wheel of our life.
Perhaps this sounds harsh.
Well, I am here to provoke your truth, and living your best self. That said, this isn't about right and wrong...good or bad.... It's not about judging ourselves and others and playing in that triangle of dis-empowerment I have spoken about --- victim, rescuer, perpetrator.
Part of awakening means we understand, through personal experience (knowing) a natural human tendency to want to avoid pain at all costs, thinking it will go away. The flaw in this line of thought is...whatever we avoid, will ultimately surface. You know the line, "whatever we resist, persists".
What to do?
In addition to getting serious about a daily meditation practice to focus the mind and center the emotional body--- start paying attention to your self talk and therefore your beliefs about relationships. It's only through awareness that we can transform.
Ask yourself questions:
Are relationships painful?
Are relationships joyful?
Depends on person, situation, what you want?
Am I attached, expecting, judging?
Working with people on healing relationships both on the meditation cushion and in shamanic energy sessions is one of my all time passions.
At some point, hopefully not on our deathbed, we realize that we all need people, it's no so serious, and it doesn't need to be so darn painful...if we are willing to commit to awakening.
I see you. You matter.
One of our specialties at Bronxville Wellness Sanctuary is combining Reiki & Shamanic Energy Healing Sessions to find the best fit for you.
Both Reiki and Shamanic Energy Healing have great benefits, and sometimes we resonate with one more than the other depending on what's going on in our life at the moment.
Reiki / Shamanic Combo Session, 60 Minutes, $130; Offered by Stephanie
Great for those looking for energy healing / clearing and to possibly go deeper with a full shamanic session.
Energy healing sessions assist in clearing blocks, negativity, and /trauma in order to embrace life with presence -- in a positive, loving, peaceful, and empowering way
>>>Email to Book
When we are faced with circumstances outside of our control, it may feel like an impossibility to let go.
The paradox? Letting go is exactly what we must "do".
I was remined of this recently while moving to my "dream" house. Of course, along with the "dream come true", also comes the rainstorm which reveals leaks, a dryer that decided to break, backordered everything!, and all the other logistics. It's truly small stuff in comparison to life's bigger challenges.
One of the ways I "trick" my mind into letting go is by asking myself the below 3 questions.
Since inner peace is a way of being many of us want to experience, this exercise works quite well.
1. Do I wish to experience inner peace or conflict?
Inner peace, of course!
Note: Some of us still like being in conflict...it provides a distraction of sorts and gives us an excuse not to take responsibility for what is and/ or our present life situation. Some of us are in conflict and don't even know it. All have been true for me. It's part of the human condition at times. It's up to us to be aware and then make the choice again and again to accept what is. Once we do accept, all the energy we were using to "resist" is freed up and we are able think clearly and choose a better way...
2. What am I willing to do in order to experience inner peace?
Be open to trying things that support a peaceful way of living. There are many things/ tools we can do/ use: books, meditation, a mentor, energy work, prayer, workshops, podcasts... I do all of this and then some :) The point is, I am willing to do what it takes to live a peaceful life. Over time, we may need more or less of these things/ tools based on what we are facing in life. More stressful times = more support. Make sense?
3. Who must I become to experience inner peace?
Become a student of inner peace. Know thyself. Use the tools above.
Today, right now, begin to practice: acceptance, non-judgment, non-attachment, presence, compassion... and the big one - forgiveness.
Enjoy the process... yes, all of it. I am always surprised at how quickly my inner state (and therefore my mind) can shift when I am willing to enjoy life. I become re-energized, enthusiastic, and see opportunity everywhere!
WE GOT THIS!
If you want support, email me.
Last month I spoke about dealing with anxiety.
Today I want to speak about a topic that not everyone grows up learning about: our energy body.
We are responsible for the energy we show up with. Clearing our energy is like taking a shower. Much better for ourselves and others when we show up "clean".
As someone who experiences life as a intuitive em-path who is also highly sensitive and also a triple leo - learning how to manage my energy body has been a critical step in self mastery and my success. In other words, when I learned how to manage my emotions (energy body), I learned how to take charge of my life and manifest my dreams.
Perhaps the greatest lesson I have learned is how to:
STOP taking responsibility for other peoples energy/feelings/emotions
START taking responsibility for my own.
It's an empowering and freeing way to live.
What is our energy body?
The easiest way to explain the energy body is to give you an example.
Have you ever walked into a room / met someone and "feel" something either wonderful or strange?
That's your energy body talking to you. It's a felt "sense".
Why is our energy body important?
We are made of energy. As such, we are constantly receiving and sending energetic messages throughout our day. The messages we send out and receive are a result of many factors such as: our thoughts, our emotions, our physical health. On a particular day if we are feeling tired and stressed, we may be sending out this energy to others. If we are not mindful and doing our inner work not only will we send this energy out, at these times we are even more prone to absorb the energy of others. Yes, a perfect storm and that's why I am writing this!!! To support you. Selfishly it helps me too because I feel it :) Since many of us are unaware of our energy body, we don't know what to do to keep it functioning well.
How does the energy body relate to anxiety?
Since we are made of energy, often when we feel something, like "anxiety", our mind becomes engaged in the "story". Meaning, the mind searches for why we feel anxious. We usually want a way out of the "bad" feeling so the mind tries to come up with a solution. The mind loves finding solutions! Unfortunately, in the search for a solution we become addicted to these thoughts, of why and of story, and it has the opposite effect on us. Instead of clearing the anxiety (or quite frankly whatever energy it is - we love to label everything and sometimes it's simply the energy of excitement), we end up giving the energy more attention.
Remember, whatever we give attention to grows!
To make matters even more interesting, did you know that sometimes, it's not even "our" anxiety we are experiencing? Especially those of use who are sensitive (empaths), often we absorb other peoples energy, thinking it is our own. When this happens, and we think it is "our" energy, we end up creating such suffering for ourselves because we get lost in the addicted thoughts.
What to do?
Learn ways to manage your energy body on a consistent basis. Read about it. Take a class. Seek out people you trust who know about the energy body. Remember, even someone who practices "energy healing" can be adding to your anxiety if they aren't diligent about clearing their own energy.
Be open to energy healing modalities we offer here such as chakra balancing, shamanic energy healing, and of course, meditation!
Blessings and love,
I have found understanding how anxiety "works" is a key component in dealing with it. Once we understand it, we are able to "deal" with it effectively.
Here's how I understand the anxiety.
Something (situation) or someone (person) provokes us. What or who provokes us is the "trigger".
I use quotes around the word trigger because when we dive deeper into our subconscious we realize the trigger is actually a belief that no longer serves us. More on that another time!
Let's take an example of a trigger:
Example: Family Gathering
In this case both the gathering (something/situation) and family (someone/person/people) may be at play.
Even before we get to the gathering, we start to feel anxiety in the present moment.
Why does this happen (write this one down!):
The mind doesn't know the difference between a real event happening now, or an imagined event, either past or future.
Once we are "triggered", what happens next?
2. Behavior - Mental & Emotional
We may feel contracted, jittery, confused, angry, fearful, overall, not good! These emotions feed our thoughts. We think things such as, "this is going to be miserable", "I don't want to see this person", etc, etc. We get ourselves all worked up because the thoughts we are having in the present, about the past, we are now projecting into the future. These negative/catastrophic type thoughts that are rooted in past experience cause us to think the future experience will be the same. These thoughts continue to feed our feelings and voila, we are officially in the anxiety loop. There's "nowhere" to go when we are in this loop except deeper down the rabbit hole. We may act out by not going to the gathering at all (avoiding behavior) or create drama (attacking behavior) leading up to or even at the gathering.
Note: Other avoidance behaviors include abusing alcohol & drugs, smoking, overworking, overeating, etc.
Why do we do this to our self? Wouldn't it make sense to simply learn healthy and effective ways to deal with our "triggers"? Yes!
However, until we rewire our brain, the trigger elicits a behavior that feels like a reward/payoff.
In this case of the family gathering, if we take the avoidance track, the "payoff" can be anything from making others wrong, now we are victims -- to the attacking track with a payoff of we are right and defending our point of view. There are many more variations of this and our payoffs. That said, usually the payoff is connected to being right, looking good, staying comfortable, and being in control. Once again I use quotes around the word payoff because in truth it isn't a true reward. We still haven't faced the root of the anxiety. We have merely put a band aid on it. Is this starting to sound familiar?
Learn how to deal with the "trigger".
1. Presence / Awareness
I use the words presence and awareness interchangeably. For me these words means being aware of what is happening in the present moment without resistance or judgment. Meaning, we accept what we are thinking and feeling, even if we don't like it. We are observing our experience.
Until we are aware of and accept this anxiety loop, nothing will change.
Once the energy of resistance and judgment is freed up, we consciously choose to focus our attention on dealing with the anxiety loop. The trigger is there, at least for now. Accept it.
Now it's time to re-evaluate the payoff. Is it really a payoff?
Ask yourself if avoiding or attacking behavior is really what feels good? Is that how you want to live? Avoiding or attacking? Perhaps there is a better way. Ask yourself if you can be absolutely sure, meaning 100% sure the payoffs are working for you. Spoiler alert: it's likely these payoffs are also directing other areas of your life.
If you can find even a .00000001% chance that there is a better way keep reading.
Even a sliver of possibility that there is a better way to manage the anxiety loop is an incredible start. Good for you! Acknowledge yourself for that. In this step you get to redirect your attention on things such as observing your experience, being compassionate with yourself (and others!) and changing your relationship with those payoffs. Meaning, you realize they are not in fact payoffs. In truth these "payoffs" actually keep you trapped in the trigger and therefore the anxiety loop.
If you resonate with this, and would like additional support on any of the above, please reach out.
I am passionate about showing people how to experience more health, happiness, and freedom to live the life of their dreams. Peaceful, prospering, connected...thriving.
Thanks for "listening". We go this!
>>>Email me here.