When we are faced with circumstances outside of our control, it may feel like an impossibility to let go.
The paradox? Letting go is exactly what we must "do".
I was remined of this last year while moving to my "dream" house. Of course, along with the "dream come true", also comes the rainstorm which reveals leaks, a dryer that decided to break, backordered everything!, and all the other logistics. It's truly small stuff in comparison to life's bigger challenges.
One of the ways I "trick" my mind into letting go is by asking myself the below 3 questions.
Since inner peace is a way of being many of us want to experience, this exercise works quite well.
1. Do I wish to experience inner peace or conflict?
Inner peace, of course!
Note: Some of us still like being in conflict...it provides a distraction of sorts and gives us an excuse not to take responsibility for what is and/ or our present life situation. Some of us are in conflict and don't even know it. All have been true for me. It's part of the human condition at times. It's up to us to be aware and then make the choice again and again to accept what is. Once we do accept, all the energy we were using to "resist" is freed up and we are able think clearly and choose a better way...
2. What am I willing to do in order to experience inner peace?
Be open to trying things that support a peaceful way of living. There are many things/ tools we can do/ use: books, meditation, a mentor, energy work, prayer, workshops, podcasts... I do all of this and then some :) The point is, I am willing to do what it takes to live a peaceful life. Over time, we may need more or less of these things/ tools based on what we are facing in life. More stressful times = more support. Make sense?
3. Who must I become to experience inner peace?
Become a student of inner peace. Know thyself. Use the tools above.
Today, right now, begin to practice: acceptance, non-judgment, non-attachment, presence, compassion... and the big one - forgiveness.
Enjoy the process... yes, all of it. I am always surprised at how quickly my inner state (and therefore my mind) can shift when I am willing to enjoy life. I become re-energized, enthusiastic, and see opportunity everywhere!
WE GOT THIS!
If you want support, email me.
Ego In Relationships
Are you aware of your ego & how it impacts your relationships?
It can be impossible to understand and navigate your ego, without knowing exactly what it is - but this natural part of all of us doesn't have to be such a mystery...
And what if I told you nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know?
Does that help you understand why certain patterns continue to show up in your relationships and in life?
And do you ever notice how the ego energy is contagious? Sometimes it seems everyone is operating from ego and there is no peace..
Fascinating questions...all pointing to deeper levels of understanding if we choose to see them as such...and to answer them.
What is ego and how does it impact relationships?
Simply said, our ego shows up whenever we are identified with something: a role, relationship, thing, viewpoint, etc.
When this happens, some of us get angry, explosive even, and react. Others shut down. We get the exact opposite outcome most of us long for which is peace, love, understanding...happiness.
Understanding ego and how it shows up in relationship can be complicated. Yet if we want peaceful relationships, it does us well to learn about ego. In this way, when it shows up, we can respond instead of react.
Since awareness is the foundation for transformation, how do we know when we are caught in the grip of ego?
Key examples include:
*arguing/conflict/drama as a theme in our life
*need to be right, making another person wrong
*identifying with mental positions/beliefs, keeping us stuck and closed to another's point of view
*emotional pain that feels disproportionately large compared to the event/situation (pain body)
*anger, outbursts, emotional reactivity including disconnecting and avoiding
*in some cases physical violence
To help you understand ego, I discuss each of the above and introduce you to the concept of "pain body", as taught by Eckhart Tolle in my podcast episode (link below).
According to Eckhart, "the pain body is an energy field within you that sporadically takes you over because it needs to experience more emotional pain for it to feed on and replenish itself. It will try to control your thinking and make it deeply negative. It loves your negative thoughts, since it resonates with their frequency and so can feed on them. It will also provoke negative emotional reactions in the people close to you, especially your partner, in order to feed on the ensuing drama and emotional pain."
Clearly, having an understanding of ego and how to deal with it as it relates to our pain body is important!!
Why does ego show up? It's part of the human condition my friends.
Understanding ego and how it works will help you cultivate deeper and healthier relationships both with yourself and others.
In this juicy episode I help demystify ego by explaining in more detail what ego is, how to identify it (especially in relationship), learn from it, and what to do when we are caught in its grip.
Let's GO Ego...Let Go!!!
Want to release the energy of accumulated pain body?
>>>Book Energy Session Here
One of the biggest complaints I hear from people revolves around feelings of "not being heard".
Did you know part of self care and self love means we speak up? Not yell up, or complain up...speak up!
Quite simply, if we don't feel heard, our needs will go unmet. Over time, this drains us and we may give up asking altogether. When we do this, we invalidate what's important to our well-being and we damage relationships.
Whatever the case, not being heard isn't sustainable or enjoyable. Open, honest, respectful communication are the foundation for all healthy & enjoyable relationships.
Once we get clear on our "ask, then we can learn new ways to communicate. Remember- a complaint is simply a request in disguise.
If you're looking to be heard, consider booking an energy session with Stephanie to clear the throat chakra and install new beliefs about your deservingness to be heard.
Once the energy is cleared, you will learn a model of conscious communication to help you get your message across without all the drama both in personal and professional relationships.
"It's in relationship with self and other that we heal...when we have the courage to...cause it takes lots of courage to create peace. It's worth it." -Stephanie :)
Previously I have written about transformation and Shamanism.
Today I want to revisit relationship success...and in some cases "pain".
Relationships are one of my favorite topics. They have posed the greatest challenges for me, and have also been the most gratifying part of my life. Hmmm...a paradox? Yes! I love a good puzzle :)
Note: Above picture was taken in 2021 on my birthday with sis, mom, and husband. These are examples of relationships I have advocated for, been insanely challenged by, healed, and totally appreciate today.
Because of this, I want to help you heal your relationships!!! It's so darn worth it.
Think about it:
1. At some point or another, everything we do involves others...relationships of some type, at some depth, for some period of time. You may erroneously fantasize you can do it all alone, forever. I respectfully disagree. Even if you do it alone, you still have to be in relationship with YOU. More on that...
2. Our ability to have good (peaceful, positive, prosperous, playful, present) relationships is a foundation for our well-being. I talk about this in more detail in my book Reclaiming Joy.
3. Relationships show us where we are on our spiritual path and can become our life long spiritual practice, aka our greatest teacher.
Perhaps at some points in your life, relationships caused so much pain, you felt you "didn't" want to engage. Understandable, yet not sustainable.
Maybe you experienced feeling like relationships were more trouble than they were worth. Makes sense.
As humans we don't like "pain".
And yet, pain, suffering, and trauma is how most of us learn.
By learn I mean, "wake up".
Why do we continue to do this to our self?
Why are we so resistant to waking up?
The cool thing is, we can choose to awaken.
We can choose to stop having to experience so much pain!!!
By awaken I mean we choose to become more conscious, aka, deal with our stuff!!!
As you may have experienced, if we don't deal with our stuff...life has a funny way of dealing with it for us.
And when life deals with it for us, it is often more painful than necessary. Something big has to happen to get our attention and then we act like something happened to us...when in reality, we simply have chosen to stay asleep at the wheel of our life.
Perhaps this sounds harsh.
Well, I am here to provoke your truth, and living your best self. That said, this isn't about right and wrong...good or bad.... It's not about judging ourselves and others and playing in that triangle of dis-empowerment I have spoken about --- victim, rescuer, perpetrator.
Part of awakening means we understand, through personal experience (knowing) a natural human tendency to want to avoid pain at all costs, thinking it will go away. The flaw in this line of thought is...whatever we avoid, will ultimately surface. You know the line, "whatever we resist, persists".
What to do?
First, recognize the primary relationship we have--- and therefore have to heal--- is with ourselves. Re-read it. Truth.
Second, commit to a daily practice to connect body, mind, spirit. You know I love meditation for this!
Third, build your awareness of YOU & get support. Start paying attention to your self talk and therefore your beliefs about relationships. It's only through awareness that we can transform.
Ask yourself questions:
Are relationships painful?
Are relationships joyful?
Depends on person, situation, what you want?
Am I attached, expecting, judging?
***What is the relationship I have with myself? Love? Hate?
At some point, hopefully not on our deathbed, we realize that we all need people, it's no so serious, and it doesn't need to be so darn painful...if we are willing to commit to awakening.
Working with people on healing relationship to self and other is the foundation for my life's work. I do it with shamanic energy healing sessions and with my mentorship program.
I see you. You matter. It's possible to heal & be happy! I did it. You can too.
"Be grateful for the sleepless nights because they help us awaken..." - Stephanie
What is spiritual awakening?
Why does it hurt so much at times?
How can we live our current life while also moving and growing into new ways of being?
In this Mind the Gap Podcast episode, Stephanie shares how to use life as a spiritual practice, and what is required to build a foundation of support as you begin to "wake up".
She shares that sleepless nights point to underlying things that are trying to get our attention... Stress doesn't wake us up. Stress is simply a result of what is out of balance in our life.
Stephanie also gives ways to navigate the gap while growing from where you are -- to where you want to be.