Being In Control by Stephanie
Last week I wrote about fear. I talked about why there is so much fear and focused on what "to do" about it. The Doing. Action.
This leads me to writing this week, about control, which is connected to fear.
Here's what I will offer you to chew on, 2 things:
1. Thoughts and Emotions that arise in us aren't (are not) in our control.
A few examples. If we are going through challenging times, our thoughts and emotions will be engaged.
If someone hurts us, we will think about it and feel it. This thought feeling thought feeling loop is dangerous. Truth.
What's wrong with having thoughts and emotions? Nothing. We are human.
We don't have to "like" it. Certainly, we can find ways to manage the thoughts and emotions.
Yet, we can't control them.
One of the reasons wisdom traditions speak of "acceptance" is because once we accept our experience, we free up the necessary energy to take action. So, instead of wasting energy on resisting what is- the experience and corresponding thoughts and emotions, we focus on what we need to do about it. Make sense? There's a formula I use for this to be shared at my upcoming retreat. Stay tuned.
2. What we do,our behavior about thoughts and emotions that arise in us is (is) in our control.
An example...someone hurts us, betrays us, and we feel angry, devastated, etc. Our mind is racing about how unfair it is, etc, etc. Our heart hurts. It's painful! we are human.
Once we allow the emotions and thoughts to be, we have a choice to make.
What will we do? Many options here.
Will we spend years living with anger, pain, etc and acting it out in our life? Maybe we decide not to have relationships, or go after our dreams? Maybe we live in fear? Will we repress the feelings and thoughts and exhaust ourselves.
Will we accept that thoughts and feelings are in fact not in our control (nor are the actions of others, especially teenagers). Once accepting this (even if we don't like it) the only thing we can control is your behavior...your actions.
A wise person once said, we need to focus less on feeling bad about our thoughts and emotions and get busy taking responsibility for our actions.
So, the burning question, in any given moment becomes, what will we do now? And now? And now?
Paraphrasing a story I heard recently--- when you are running up the mountain, go ahead and quit as often as you like just keep moving your feet.
Life is a process of small steps done consistently over time. We gain mastery by commitment over time...the practice (action).
I invite you to explore this. Especially if you are feeling "stuck".