"It's in relationship with self and other that we heal...when we have the courage to...cause it takes lots of courage to create peace. It's worth it." -Stephanie :)
Previously I have written about transformation and Shamanism.
Today I want to revisit relationship success...and in some cases "pain".
Relationships are one of my favorite topics. They have posed the greatest challenges for me, and have also been the most gratifying part of my life. Hmmm...a paradox? Yes! I love a good puzzle :)
Note: Above picture was taken in 2021 on my birthday with sis, mom, and husband. These are examples of relationships I have advocated for, been insanely challenged by, healed, and totally appreciate today.
Because of this, I want to help you heal your relationships!!! It's so darn worth it.
Think about it:
1. At some point or another, everything we do involves others...relationships of some type, at some depth, for some period of time. You may erroneously fantasize you can do it all alone, forever. I respectfully disagree. Even if you do it alone, you still have to be in relationship with YOU. More on that...
2. Our ability to have good (peaceful, positive, prosperous, playful, present) relationships is a foundation for our well-being. I talk about this in more detail in my book Reclaiming Joy.
3. Relationships show us where we are on our spiritual path and can become our life long spiritual practice, aka our greatest teacher.
Perhaps at some points in your life, relationships caused so much pain, you felt you "didn't" want to engage. Understandable, yet not sustainable.
Maybe you experienced feeling like relationships were more trouble than they were worth. Makes sense.
As humans we don't like "pain".
And yet, pain, suffering, and trauma is how most of us learn.
By learn I mean, "wake up".
Why do we continue to do this to our self?
Why are we so resistant to waking up?
The cool thing is, we can choose to awaken.
We can choose to stop having to experience so much pain!!!
By awaken I mean we choose to become more conscious, aka, deal with our stuff!!!
As you may have experienced, if we don't deal with our stuff...life has a funny way of dealing with it for us.
And when life deals with it for us, it is often more painful than necessary. Something big has to happen to get our attention and then we act like something happened to us...when in reality, we simply have chosen to stay asleep at the wheel of our life.
Perhaps this sounds harsh.
Well, I am here to provoke your truth, and living your best self. That said, this isn't about right and wrong...good or bad.... It's not about judging ourselves and others and playing in that triangle of dis-empowerment I have spoken about --- victim, rescuer, perpetrator.
Part of awakening means we understand, through personal experience (knowing) a natural human tendency to want to avoid pain at all costs, thinking it will go away. The flaw in this line of thought is...whatever we avoid, will ultimately surface. You know the line, "whatever we resist, persists".
What to do?
First, recognize the primary relationship we have--- and therefore have to heal--- is with ourselves. Re-read it. Truth.
Second, commit to a daily practice to connect body, mind, spirit. You know I love meditation for this!
Third, build your awareness of YOU & get support. Start paying attention to your self talk and therefore your beliefs about relationships. It's only through awareness that we can transform.
Ask yourself questions:
Are relationships painful?
Are relationships joyful?
Depends on person, situation, what you want?
Am I attached, expecting, judging?
***What is the relationship I have with myself? Love? Hate?
At some point, hopefully not on our deathbed, we realize that we all need people, it's no so serious, and it doesn't need to be so darn painful...if we are willing to commit to awakening.
Working with people on healing relationship to self and other is the foundation for my life's work. I do it with shamanic energy healing sessions and with my mentorship program.
I see you. You matter. It's possible to heal & be happy! I did it. You can too.